Hello everyone. I hope you all have had a good Thanksgiving...Well mine was...*sigh* something.

Have you ever prayed for a miracle to happen in your life, something that seems too good to be true?
Well, that's what happened to me...

A month and two days ago I met this guy at campus. And somehow I was able to get the courage and speak to him first...And surprisingly for strangers, we were having very deep conversations. And we liked each other so much (or I liked him that fast) we exchanged cell numbers & e-mail. Then after that, everything just clicked. We became super-fast friends, I even made a promise to him that we would be friends no matter what & would always b e there for each other...we would text each other every day, and I would read our texts' continuously...I guess you could say I was truly falling for him and I didn't realize it yet. Or rather, I was too afraid to admit it...But my friends' knew it. They all did.
And I'll never forget what he told me the second day we talked:
That he had formed a crush on me, right after we first met. How he asked God for a sign that he would meet a nice, sweet, christian girl...And then he met me...
But of course I couldn't believe it. I mean, I'm so...Not what I imagine anyone wanting. It's just me. The pessimistic, overly-emotional, over-sensitive, past-dwelling, faith dwindling, fearful, too shy, not smart, unattractive girl...And he told me that he believed I none of that but more than that & I could overcome anything...
He has been nothing but the most sweetest, kindest, wonderful, beautiful guy I ever met...Always willing to listen, never trying to pressure me into anything, and would become so happy whenever we met face to face on campus.
One day he asked me if I would consider being his girlfriend, and for some reason I was incredibly shocked. My friends said I should give it a chance, and I wanted to...But I was too afraid that I would get hurt, along with the fact we needed to know each other a bit more; I wanted to give it some time before I said yes. He said he would be patient. And I believed him. He beacame someone that with time I would be able to share everything with: My feelings, dreams, secrets, fears, life. And we continued on talking and being close friends, and I was really, so very happy...I thought that soon...Very soon, like the next time we met face to face, hopefully after Thanksgiving break, I would have the courage to tell him my feelings and take a chance and feel like everything would actually be alright. My first real, true, stable/steady relationship.
But then...On thanksgiving, on our one-month anniversery as you may call it...He told me that he and his best friend had alot of history and he felt a "spark". While just the day before he was being all sweet and wonderful.
I was so...Heartbroken and upset. The thing that I feared happening most...That he would grow tired of me and pick someone else had come true. He told he was confused, and he was figuring out the details of if he and his best friend could work out and how sorry he was that it even happened. But that I would always be in his life and that he didn't want to lose me...He asked me to please promise me that I would still be his best friend. And I said that I would.
I told him that I more than anything else I wanted him to be happy. And that I felt so happy and blessed to have met him. And then I finally said I had been praying to God that I would meet my meant-to-be as well...And that then I met him...I really did mean every word. But then yesterday...I was so, so upset and full of anxiety that he hadn't text me back...That I went back and text him all over again. Telling him that I couldn't keep my promise to be his friend-or even his best friend...It was too painful. Because of all the happy/sweet moments we had. And that even though we only known each other for a short while, I cherished all our time together as our history. Acting like such an ugly, selfish, jealous person when I asked if he told his best friend about us and if everything he ever told me was a lie and was I really that unimportant that he had to be confused about us and go to his best friend?...I was so cruel and terrible having talked like that. A heartless person because of my bitterness, fear, mixed with him possibly leaving from my life. Which is what he didn't want me to do with him.
Just when I was finally starting to become sure that he really did mean he would wait for me to say "Yes, I will be your girlfriend."
I just didn't understand...And I still don't. What was the point of God allowing us to meet in the first place if he was going to prefer his best friend and for us to just seperate like that?
All I can do is pray about it now...But I don't even know if I deserve him. Because if I had been everything he told me I was: Beautiful, sweet, strong, always polite, smart, cute, christian and all. I would have just told him I wanted him to be happy, leave it at that, and not spill out all my emotions like I had. How could he ever forgive me after I said all that? Why should he? I ruined a beautiful relationship with the best guy I could have ever asked God for...
I'm just so tired of heartache...And unless God proves me wrong, I truly don't deserve anyone as wonderful as he is...