Shop More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant Artist Member is the no-talent pessimist...Female/Unknown Group :iconlove-is-genuine: Love-is-genuine
Love can be shown on every art
Recent Activity
Deviant for 7 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 53 Deviations 2,261 Comments 15,011 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Favourites

Activity


Hello everyone. I hope you all have had a good Thanksgiving...Well mine was...*sigh* something.

Have you ever prayed for a miracle to happen in your life, something that seems too good to be true?
Well, that's what happened to me...

A month and two days ago I met this guy at campus. And somehow I was able to get the courage and speak to him first...And surprisingly for strangers, we were having very deep conversations. And we liked each other so much (or I liked him that fast) we exchanged cell numbers & e-mail. Then after that, everything just clicked. We became super-fast friends, I even made a promise to him that we would be friends no matter what & would always b e there for each other...we would text each other every day, and I would read our texts' continuously...I guess you could say I was truly falling for him and I didn't realize it yet. Or rather, I was too afraid to admit it...But my friends' knew it. They all did.
And I'll never forget what he told me the second day we talked:
That he had formed a crush on me, right after we first met. How he asked God for a sign that he would meet a nice, sweet, christian girl...And then he met me...
But of course I couldn't believe it. I mean, I'm so...Not what I imagine anyone wanting. It's just me. The pessimistic, overly-emotional, over-sensitive, past-dwelling, faith dwindling, fearful, too shy, not smart, unattractive girl...And he told me that he believed I none of that but more than that & I could overcome anything...
He has been nothing but the most sweetest, kindest, wonderful, beautiful guy I ever met...Always willing to listen, never trying to pressure me into anything, and would become so happy whenever we met face to face on campus.
One day he asked me if I would consider being his girlfriend, and for some reason I was incredibly shocked. My friends said I should give it a chance, and I wanted to...But I was too afraid that I would get hurt, along with the fact we needed to know each other a bit more; I wanted to give it some time before I said yes. He said he would be patient. And I believed him. He beacame someone that with time I would be able to share everything with: My feelings, dreams, secrets, fears, life. And we continued on talking and being close friends, and I was really, so very happy...I thought that soon...Very soon, like the next time we met face to face, hopefully after Thanksgiving break, I would have the courage to tell him my feelings and take a chance and feel like everything would actually be alright. My first real, true, stable/steady relationship.
But then...On thanksgiving, on our one-month anniversery as you may call it...He told me that he and his best friend had alot of history and he felt a "spark". While just the day before he was being all sweet and wonderful.
I was so...Heartbroken and upset. The thing that I feared happening most...That he would grow tired of me and pick someone else had come true. He told he was confused, and he was figuring out the details of if he and his best friend could work out and how sorry he was that it even happened. But that I would always be in his life and that he didn't want to lose me...He asked me to please promise me that I would still be his best friend. And I said that I would.
I told him that I more than anything else I wanted him to be happy. And that I felt so happy and blessed to have met him. And then I finally said I had been praying to God that I would meet my meant-to-be as well...And that then I met him...I really did mean every word. But then yesterday...I was so, so upset and full of anxiety that he hadn't text me back...That I went back and text him all over again. Telling him that I couldn't keep my promise to be his friend-or even his best friend...It was too painful. Because of all the happy/sweet moments we had. And that even though we only known each other for a short while, I cherished all our time together as our history. Acting like such an ugly, selfish, jealous person when I asked if he told his best friend about us and if everything he ever told me was a lie and was I really that unimportant that he had to be confused about us and go to his best friend?...I was so cruel and terrible having talked like that. A heartless person because of my bitterness, fear, mixed with him possibly leaving from my life. Which is what he didn't want me to do with him.
Just when I was finally starting to become sure that he really did mean he would wait for me to say "Yes, I will be your girlfriend."
I just didn't understand...And I still don't. What was the point of God allowing us to meet in the first place if he was going to prefer his best friend and for us to just seperate like that?
All I can do is pray about it now...But I don't even know if I deserve him. Because if I had been everything he told me I was: Beautiful, sweet, strong, always polite, smart, cute, christian and all. I would have just told him I wanted him to be happy, leave it at that, and not spill out all my emotions like I had. How could he ever forgive me after I said all that? Why should he? I ruined a beautiful relationship with the best guy I could have ever asked God for...
I'm just so tired of heartache...And unless God proves me wrong, I truly don't deserve anyone as wonderful as he is...
  • Mood: Hurt
  • Listening to: Anna Blue- So Alone
  • Reading: Nothing
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing

deviantID

superchaoticboom
is the no-talent pessimist...
Artist
Favorite Bible Verse: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 & 13.

Description (Physical & internal): "She was rather average looking; not anything that she'd deem pretty or beautiful when it came to her looks. But if she liked anything physical about herself, it was the length of her hair and its color.
A shy,quiet,soft-spoken girl with a strangely high-pitched childish voice. She had the sweet kindness of her mother (as she was often told) and the artistic/musical talents of her father (however she considered herself talentless). She was hard working when she wanted to be and was easily forgetful on serious matters. She often made promises she couldn't keep due to her own laziness, forgetfulness, or nervousness.
She was easily angered, yet slowly forgiving and regretful. Her self-proclaimed nickname was "That heart sleeve girl", because she knew her facial expressions were usually that of worry or annoyance around others. But that was probably her loneliness or anxieties showing itself.
Always the one to be a bundle of nerves around people, mainly the opposite sex. She was filled with paranoia, self-consciousness, self-pity, and would constantly critique herself badly. She had many phobias,most of which involved fears of failure,dying painfully, 1)falling in love and 2)not receiving love.
1) because she didn't think she was good enough for it, and 2) because she didn't think that anyone could truly love her despite her flaws.
Which roughly translated revealed her fear of dying alone.
In fact, it was fear that was her main downfall."

Current Residence: Realistically: On Planet Earth...Frequently: In my many envisions of unborn worlds...

Favourite genre of music: Pop, Rock, Techno, Jazz, Latin, Oldies & Foreign languages, bits of Country, Rap, & R&B.

Favourite style of art: Manga/Anime, Illustration, Realistic-ish (comic & game-wise), & Realism.

Favorite artist(s): Jay/Jeff Axer, Patrick “Spaz” Spaziante, Harvey Mercadoocasio, Sanford Greene, Ken Penders, Nelson Ribeiro, James Fry...

Personal Quote: Once you choose to use the blessings bestowed upon you for good, you give more meanng in life.
Interests

AdCast - Ads from the Community

×

Groups

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:icongraveseller:
graveseller Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2014
thank you for the lima, though I do not know have I could have earned it. :) (Smile)
Reply
:icontheresahelmer:
theresahelmer Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014  Professional Photographer
Thank you so much for adding me to your watch list, i am utterly flattered :heart: ~Theresa
Reply
:iconfiregoddess2148:
firegoddess2148 Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the favorite!
Reply
:iconshadow-0f-light:
Shadow-0f-Light Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2013  Hobbyist
Thank you for the favorite, it means a lot! :D
Reply
:iconchipmunkraccoon2:
ChipmunkRaccoon2 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist

Thanks for the :+fav: :hug:

Feel free to leave a comment on it if you'd like. ;)

Reply
:iconarchaeopat:
archaeopat Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2013  Professional Photographer
Thanks for the fav!
Reply
:iconboron:
boron Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the :+fav: on 'Tiger Swallowtail Butterfly.'
Reply
:iconjonahjoe:
jonahjoe Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist
thank you for the favourite
Reply
:iconnicolen22:
NicoleN22 Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the watch!
Reply
:iconanacletus:
anacletus Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013
Thanx a lot for the fav! :aww:
Reply
Add a Comment: